


Secret Spider-Santa

by Skyrah (orphan_account)



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Gen, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Secret Santa, Spideypool if you squint, before infinity war, i can publish my xmas themed fic in july, look if webkinz can have a xmas in july sale, ongoing, specifically he's 17 and peter is 16, wade is a high schooler
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-07-09 17:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19891864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Skyrah
Summary: When Peter decides to participate in Midtown High's Secret Santa, he doesn't expect to be assigned to Wade Wilson, the strange kid who only talks to Peter.  He also has no idea what to get him, and he can't just stroll right up to him and ask, right?  Peter decides to get creative to find the best gift he can for Wade.(This is a revised/rewritten version of a fic I wrote late last year)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this back in December 2018, but it was terrible. Obviously the next best step is to revise it so that I can publish it during July, the most perfect time for a Christmas themed fanfiction. Enjoy!
> 
> Beta'd by immortalpoptart. I love you! <3

Peter Parker walked down the halls, vaguely paying attention to the usual school chaos around him. The weekend was almost upon him, and Peter couldn’t stress enough how eager he was for it. A few days ago, Peter had been meeting up with Tony when he said something that caught his interest.

“I’m glad you’re being careful,” Tony had remarked. “There’s been some strange deaths lately, and I don’t want you to end up being one of them.”

“Strange deaths?” Peter had repeated, looking up from his Lunchables.

“Yeah. The media claims that they’re all accidents, but I don’t believe that. A few people just suddenly dying doesn’t seem like just a coincidence. I’m going to be going on a stakeout. Just to be safe,” the millionaire quickly added on.

“I can help!” The teen jumped up off the couch.

“I dunno, kid. It might be dangerous…” Tony hesitated.

“Please, Mr. Stark! I won’t leave your side without permission, and you know I’ve been working on that stealth mode for my suit,” Peter pointed out.

“The what now?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You told me I could add it on like, two weeks ago! Please, Mr. Stark? I swear I won’t engage with any bad guys if we run into them. In fact, I’ll go home if you need me to. Please let me help you, Mr. Stark. Please, please, pretty please,” Peter begged, falling to his knees.

Tony stifled a laugh. “Alright kid, you got me with the theatrics. You have to keep that promise though; I don’t need another incident like you and Vulture last year. I also don’t need your aunt killing me if you get hurt.”

“Thank you, Mr. Stark!” Peter cried, jumping up to hug his mentor.

Peter snapped out of the memory but continued to fantasize about the investigation. Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man could only stop so many corner store thieves before getting tired of the same routine.

“Peter!”

Peter fully snapped out of his daydreaming and turned around to see Ned waving at the end of the hallway.

“Dude! I’ve been calling your name for like, three minutes!” Ned cried, making his way over.

“Hey, Ned! Good to see you! Sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts,” Peter explained, looking down sheepishly as his best friend ran to catch up with him.

“No kidding. You okay?” Ned asked, falling into step with Peter.

“Yeah, I’m good. What’s crackalackin’?”

“I was going to ask if you had registered for the Secret Santa Exchange.”

“The what?”

“Secret Santa Exchange. They’ve been talking about it all week on the school news- Oh hey, they’re talking about it now.”

Peter looked up at the TV Ned was pointing at and was assaulted with crudely photoshopped stock photos and clipart of wrapped presents flying across the screen.

“Today is the last day to register for this years’ Secret Santa Exchange,” Jason’s monotone voice droned. “Get into the spirit of the season by giving a gift to one of your fellow students, and get a gift from someone else. If you’d like to participate, fill out a registration packet and turn it into your homeroom teacher during homeroom or into the office by 3 today.”

The screen cut back to the two student reporters. Peter tuned them out as the Jason began making lame jokes about being Betty’s Secret Santa and turned back to Ned.

“I’m guessing by your reaction you haven’t,” Ned remarked.

“I didn’t even realize they were doing it this year after last years’ Inappropriate Coupons Incident,” Peter explained. “Are you doing it?”

“Dude, I get a free gift. Of course I am!” Ned exclaimed just as MJ came from around the corner.

“You’re what?” MJ asked.

“He’s participating in the Secret Santa thing,” Peter explained to her. “Are you going to?”

“Peter, why would I participate in Extreme Capitalism the Holiday?” MJ replied.

“Hmm…” Ned pondered.

MJ rolled her eyes in reply. “It’s a rhetorical question, Ned.”

“Come on, we need to get to homeroom,” Peter cut in before the conversation could continue. “We’re gonna be late.”

“Oh crap! You’re right, Peter,” Ned remarked as he checked the time. “We’ll see you at lunch, MJ.”

She nodded as she walked off. “See you nerds then.”

The duo had barely made it into the noisy classroom before the bell rang. Peter and Ned silently sunk into the few seats left, hoping the teacher hadn’t noticed their late arrival. The teacher, a surly man who definitely looked like he didn’t want to be here, waited a few more minutes until everyone had quieted down before he opened his mouth.

“Good morning, everyone. I’m supposed to give these Secret Santa packets to anyone who wants to register last minute, and then you’re free-”

The teacher was interrupted by the sound of the classroom door slamming open. Everyone’s attention shifted towards the source of the interruption.

“Oh boy, this ought to be good,” Ned murmured to Peter. Peter hummed in agreement.

“Mr. Wilson. Is there a reason you’re late and felt the need to cause a disruption _again_?” The teacher asked sharply.

The offending student looked up, the hood on his head shadowing most of his face. “Dramatic entrance, of course,” he responded without missing a beat.

The teacher sighed. “Sit down so I can continue with what I was saying.”

The student came into class and slid into the only empty seat left.

“Hey, Petey,” he greeted, the hood still shadowing his face.

“Hi, Wade,” Peter hissed out the side of his mouth, subtly scooching his seat towards Ned. To be honest, Peter didn’t really like Wade. Something about the eighteen year old unnerved him enough that his Spidey-Sense went off. Not enough to mark Wade as an immediate danger, but enough he was cautious around him. It probably had to with the fact that Wade was strangely chummy towards him but ignored everyone else. It seemed...fake.

The sound of the teacher clearing his throat snapped Peter’s attention back to the front of the room. “Anyways, you’re all free to work or talk _quietly_ afterwards and if you need to, get a Secret Santa registration packet.” The teacher dropped the packets on the desk. “I’ll just leave them here. Alright, I’m done talking now.”

Everyone either went back to talking to their friends or playing on their phone. Peter hesitated before going up to grab a packet. He walked back to his desk quickly and began filling it out.

“Whatcha got there, Pete?” Wade asked, leaning over to look.

Peter shifted so that his shoulder was blocking Wade’s view. “If you’d been listening, you would know.”

“But Petey, when I have I ever listened and paid attention to anyone? I mean, except you, of course,” Wade responded in a teasing tone.

Peter ignored him and turned to Ned. “I’m having trouble narrowing down my interests to 4-5 things. Any suggestions?” He asked, using it as an excuse to not talk to Wade.

Ned didn’t miss a beat as he answered. “Memes, Star Wars, science, and the Avengers.”

Peter nodded and copied Ned’s suggestions down.

“That sounds pretty good,” Peter responded when he finished. “Thanks, Ned.”

“Oh, you’re participating in Secret Santa, huh?” Wade piped up.

Peter and Ned quickly exchanged glances.

“Yeah, we both are,” Ned answered for Peter, clearly sensing his best friend’s discomfort. “Why? Are you going to?”

Wade stayed silent before piping up. “Maybe.”

Without another word, he took his phone out and began playing on it. The bright light from the screen reflected onto his face, giving Peter a tiny bit better glance at his skin.

He waited a few more moments until he realized Wade wasn’t going to say anything else. Letting out a quiet sigh of relief, he quickly finished filling out the packet. When the bell rang, he picked all of his stuff up, placed the packet on the teacher’s desk, and started for the door with Ned.

“Have a good weekend, Petey,” Wade called as the duo left.

“You too,” Peter responded robotically.

“We need to make sure we’re not late again,” Peter remarked when he was sure Wade was out of earshot.

“Definitely,” his best friend agreed.

\---

Peter stifled a yawn as he walked through the hallway with Ned. It was Monday, and the two had agreed to make it to school earlier to ensure they could sit in their normal spots. That wasn’t the reason Peter was tired though.

“Were you busy over the weekend?” Ned asked.

“Huh?” Peter responded sleepily, blinking at his best friend.

“You know,” Ned said, then proceeded to pantomime using webshooters while making appropriate but horrible sound effects.

“Oh,” Peter acknowledged. “Yeah.”

Peter and Mr. Stark had spent the entire weekend staking out; sometimes together, and sometimes it was only Peter, having snuck out without permission. Still, the whole thing turned out to be a giant failure; there had been no murders at all. On the plus side, he had discovered a couple bugs in the stealth mode, so he was going to work on those after school.

“Dude, you need coffee. I’ll run to the nearest coffee shop while you go to homeroom and get our seats before Flash and his crew snake us and you’re stuck next to Wade again,” Ned ordered.

“Ned, no. I’m fine,” Peter insisted. “Besides, caffeine doesn’t work on me anymore.”

“No, you need coffee. I’ll get the biggest size I can. Don’t let anyone take the seats!” Ned cried as he ran off.

Peter blinked slowly and walked into the classroom. No one had arrived yet except for one other student, so he sat in the front and set his bag down on the desk for Ned.

Ten minutes later, the bell rang, signaling the start of school. Ned slipped in and handed a huge latte to Peter.

“Thank you,” Peter stage-whispered as Ned set Peter’s bag down.

“No problem, dude,” Ned responded, smiling back.

“Alright, everyone’s Secret Santa has been assigned,” the teacher started reciting off of a sheet of paper. “Most likely, your Secret Santa is in this classroom, so I don’t want you to be showing each other who you got. A few might not have your Secret Santa in here, but I still don’t want you to be showing each other who you got. It’s a Secret Santa for a reason. If your Santa isn’t in here, your gift will be delivered somehow.

“When I call your name, please come up to get your envelope. It contains the name of who you’re supposed to get a gift for and their wishlist/interests they wrote down in the packet. Got it?”

The class nodded in unison. Peter noticed that behind the teacher, Wade was slinking into class quietly. At this, he raised an eyebrow; normally everyone was subjected to the dramatic entrance put on by Wade. Still, the teacher noticed and only glared at him.

Wade only stared up in response before walking to the back of the classroom and flopping into his chair. The teacher seemed confused too but didn’t say anything on the situation. Peter tried to pay attention, but his eyelids kept sinking down. Farther and farther…

“Peter? Peter Parker? Is Peter Parker here?” The teacher called.

Ned gently nudged Peter, waking the teen up with a start. The class laughed as Peter bolted up and ran to the front of the classroom with burning red cheeks. Peter snatched the envelope and ran back to his seat. He took the opportunity to continue napping as the teacher called everyone elses’ name.

When all the envelopes had been given out, the teacher sat back down. “You may open your envelopes now, but do so discreetly. You don’t know who could be the one you’re supposed to gift.”

The majority of class opened their envelopes. Ned nudged Peter again. Peter bolted up again, nearly jumping up.

“Peter, it’s just me. You can open your envelope now,” Ned whispered.

Peter grumbled in protest, wiping away the sleep in his eyes before proceeding to open up the envelope. Upon seeing the name of who he was supposed to gift and their wishlist, he groaned.

“What is it?” Ned asked, concerned. “If it’s because you got me, don’t tell me. Otherwise, feel free to let me know.”

Peter discreetly slid the contents to Ned. “If this is still me dreaming, wake me up.”

“‘You are the Secret Santa of...Wade Wilson’?!” Ned stage-whispered.

“Shh! It gets worse,” Peter groaned.

“How?” Ned wondered, but then he read the wishlist portion. “‘I’m going to be a challenge for you’ winky face? Geez, how did that get accepted?”

“I bet the student council just went ‘Eh, there’s words. Good enough’,” Peter moaned, burying his head in his arms. “Not only am I stuck getting a gift for someone I don’t like, I don’t even know what to get.”

“It could be worse. You could have to get something for Flash,” Ned pointed out.

“At least I can just give him money and he’d be happy. No one knows _anything_ about Wade,” Peter countered.

“Hmm…” Ned thought out loud. “You could get him a gift card for Amazon.”

“I don’t know if he has an account.”

“Steam gift card?”

“What if he doesn’t like video games?”

“Who doesn’t like video games? Name one person.”

“PTA moms who think they make their kid violent.”

“Good point, but I don’t think Wade’s a PTA mom.”

“He could have one.”

Ned sighed and patted Peter’s back in sympathy. “We can ask MJ if she has any ideas.”

“Yeah,” Peter agreed in monotone.

The bell rang, and Ned gave the Secret Santa papers back to Peter. “I’ll see you and MJ at lunch.”

“See ya,” Peter bid with before packing up and walking out. He couldn’t even get out the door before he heard Wade calling after him.

“Hey, Petey!”

Peter groaned. “Hi, Wade.”

“How are you? I mean, besides not getting enough sleep. You know, that can kill you. It can also lead to weight gain, decreased creativity, and more likelihood of not encoding memories into your brain,” Wade rattled off.

“Good to know,” Peter tried to brush Wade off. “I’m glad to know you’re concerned with my health.”

“Of course. Who’d you get assigned to as their Secret Santa?”

Peters’ blood ran cold before Wade laughed.

“I’m joking. You can’t give out that information. Apparently, it’s more valuable than any US secrets from the way everyone was talking about it.”

Peter swallowed. “Uh-huh. Wade, I have to get to class.”

“Oh, so do I. I just wanted to say hi,” Wade excused. “Bye~!”

Wade skipped off as Peter turned the other way and wandered down the hallway, confused.

“Just make it until lunch,” he muttered. “Hopefully MJ has some ideas.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is it whenever I start publishing a fic I find a new hyperfixiation? I wanted to publish this a few days ago, but I watched Good Omens and I got sidetracked. I apologize for that, but now I have it here! Hopefully I will be quicker with Chapter 3!
> 
> Once again, thank you to [immortalpoptart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalpoptart) for beta'ing this chapter! If you get a chance, check out her fics! I beta her stuff and she's just an amazing person overall.

When lunchtime came around, Peter rushed to the lunchroom, quickly purchased his lunch, and ran over to his usual table. MJ and Ned had already arrived before him, MJ doodling in her notebook while she listened to Ned recounting some funny story that had happened in Gym class earlier.

“Hey, Peter,” she greeted, closing her notebook as Peter slid in across from her and next to Ned.

“Hi, MJ,” he replied. “So, I signed up for the Secret Santa thing, and you won’t believe who I got assigned.”

“You’re Wade Wilson’s Secret Santa.” MJ interrupted, Peter snapped his jaw shut and Ned’s mouth gaped in disbelief.

“How do you-” Peter began to say, but MJ seemed to already know what Peter was going to say.

“Ned already told me,” MJ explained.

Peter shot Ned a half-hearted glare, only receiving a simple shrug in response. Sighing, Peter turned his attention back to MJ as she went on.

“You sure got a tough one. I’ve seen him in detention ever since he started attending school a couple weeks ago, and no one can get anything out of him.”

“Yeah, he even told me he’d be a challenge. Since you sometimes have good ideas, do you have any?” Peter asked, quickly taking a large bite of his first sandwich.

“Stalk him,” MJ deadpanned.

Peter nearly choked on his food. “Wha- no! Absolutely not! That’s just- I’m not a good stalker. And it’s just morally wrong.”

“You’ve followed people before,” Ned pointed out.

“You have?” MJ asked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow at Peter.

Peter shot a glare at Ned. “Yes, I have,” he answered, still facing Ned and putting a finger to his mouth.

Ned tilted his head in confusion, before his mouth shaped into an “O”. “Gotcha,” he mouthed, vigorously nodding and trying to shoot Peter a discrete thumbs up.

“But that was different,” Peter continued, turning his attention back to MJ.

MJ shrugged. “If it’s stalking, it’s stalking. All the same to me. Doesn’t matter the motive.”

“I mean, she kind of has a point,” Ned agreed.

“Do you have any ideas _other than_ stalking?” Peter asked.

“Nope.”

He looked at Ned, who only shrugged. “Sorry, I gave you all of my ideas earlier.”

Peter sighed. “Looks like I won’t be doing my calculus homework after school.”

\---

Peter waited in the library with Ned until his phone chimed. Peter quickly reached into his pocket and read the notification.

“MJ says that detention is over, and Wade’s leaving now,” Peter informed Ned.

Ned nodded. “Let’s go then.”

The two hurriedly packed up and made their way to the front of the school as quickly as possible. They hid behind a trash can and watched the entrance. Eventually, Wade finally went outside and turned towards the direction of downtown Queens.

Peter and Ned followed persistently, making sure to keep a good distance as to not be noticed. After a few blocks, Wade made his way into a Starbucks. Peter started following, but Ned stopped him with an outstretched arm.

“Damn it!” Ned cried, looking at his phone. “I have to go home. Mom says she needs me for something. Will you be okay without a partner?”

“I can handle it,” Peter reassured his friend.

“Call me if anything goes south and you need me to bail you out,” Ned instructed, Peter nodding as he only half paid attention, eyes focused on Wade. “I’ll drive as fast as I can to wherever you are. Good luck.”

“Cool. Thanks, Ned!” Peter said, waiting for his best friend to leave before trying his best to casually enter the Starbucks. Wade was sitting on the other side of the coffee shop, staring down at the wood grain in the table instead of a phone like any other person. Peter figured he was waiting for a drink. Maybe he could use that as an opportunity to figure out what Wade liked. Peter pulled his hoodie over his head and went over to the counter. He ordered another latte and sat on the other side of the room.

“I have a latte for Patrick,” the barista eventually called. Peter didn’t even make a move before remembering he had used a fake name and almost ran to grab his drink. Peter slowly sipped on it as he tried to figure out why Wade’s name hadn’t been called. Shouldn’t he have gotten something before Peter had?

Finally, someone in a trench coat walked in and sat across from Wade. Peter watched as the two briefly conversed before Wade nodded and accepted a small card from the other person.

Peter squinted at the card, trying to use his enhanced senses to read the card as Wade passed him, but Peter only saw that it was for someone in the medical field. Unless Wade wanted to be a doctor, which was doubtful based on how he acted in school, Peter was pretty sure it didn’t contain useful information. But it did make Peter curious.

Peter waited a few moments before following the other kid out. Wade walked straight ahead, looking forward and not giving a moments’ attention to anyone who gawked at him.

_‘I hope he’s as focused as he looks,’_ Peter thought, facing down with his eyes on Wade. _‘That’d make my job a lot easier.’_

Before Peter realized it, Wade turned down a side street. One look at the dirty streets, broken glass, and the bars on the window was enough to set off Peter’s Spidey Sense. Peter ran off before he could be robbed or get into an unnecessary and violent fight.

\---

“I’m guessing it didn’t go well?” Ned asked as he pulled up to Peter in front of the Starbucks they had separated at earlier.

“No, it went swell,” Peter replied sarcastically as he buckled his seatbelt and slammed the door shut. “I learned Wade went into the slums at least once, and that’s about it.”

“There's not much you can buy based off of that," Ned echoed Peter's thoughts. “Are you going to try again?”

“No,” Peter said, looking out the window. “But I think Spider-Man is.”

“What?”

“Think about it. If Wade spots Spider-Man- which he won’t since I recently finished designing a stealth mode- he’ll just think it’s Spider-Man looking for crime to stop. If he spots me, he’s going to think I’m some sort of crazy stalker.”

“Good point, good point. Counterpoint, what was it that you said your uncle always said? Something about power and responsibility?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“There’s a possible murderer running around. And you’re going to follow your classmate instead of investigating.”

“Mr. Stark’s on top of that already. Also, what if that murderer goes after Wade? Then I’ll be there!”

Ned sighed. “Alright, you win.”

“I’m going to do it tonight. Then I’ll have the rest of the week to get him his stuff and then I can give it to him next week!”

“Cool, except do you know where he lives?”

Peter opened his mouth and then closed it. “Shit.”

“Hey, don’t worry. You’ll figure it out somehow,” Ned told him encouragingly.

Peter sat in silence for a bit before a light bulb went off in his head. “I got it. But you’ll need to help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to leave a kudos and comment! I'd love to hear what you think, and I always do my best to respond to comments!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that wasn't as soon as I thought. Sorry for the long wait on this chapter! Life decided to say "Sky should not be allowed to write their fanfic".
> 
> This chapter was beta'd by [immortalpoptart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalpoptart)! If you get a chance to, go check out her fics!

The following day, Ned and Peter arrived later than usual for homeroom. When they shuffled into the classroom, the teacher gave them a sideways glare.

“This is your one warning. Next time, it’s detention for both of you,” he threatened.

The duo nodded in sync and took the last two open chairs.

“You’re later than usual, Petey,” Wade noted as Peter sat down next to him.

“Well, uh…” Peter tried thinking of a reply as he kept his smile plastered on his face. Sweat dripped down the back of his neck.

“Your bad influence must be rubbing off on us!” Ned quickly saved the day, slapping Wade’s back in a friendly manner.

Wade smirked. “As Peter’s best friend, Ned, I’d be thinking you wouldn't want that. But hey, it makes things more interesting. Will Wade Wilson finally corrupt Peter Parker? Find out next time on Dragonball Z! Or I guess the next chapter."

"Of our lives?" Ned finished.

"Sure, let's go with that."

While Wade kept talking, Peter looked at his phone and saw a text from Karen.

Karen: Tracker successfully installed. What is the name of the target?

He smiled as he typed out Wade’s name. He had a feeling that connecting his suit to his phone would come in handy, and that feeling had been right. Now he could get notifications on whatever he needed from the AI without getting weird stares from his classmates from talking to himself.

“Whatcha smiling about, Petey?” Wade asked, leaning over.

Peter turned his screen away. “Uh, nothing,” he lied.

Wade kept leaning over. Peter glared at him and moved his phone closer to his chest, not realizing that the new angle showed more of his screen.

“All I can see is that you’re texting someone named Karen. Who’s Karen? Do you have a girlfriend or something?” Wade asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Peter relaxed. “No one else but Ned knows though, and I, uh, want to keep it that way.”

“Yeah, Peter’s not supposed to be dating,” Ned piped up, giving an exaggerated wink to Peter.

Wade nodded. “Well, I’ll keep it then. Good luck with your secret relationship, Petey.”

“Thanks,” Peter responded. “Look, I have to do some last minute homework, so I'd really appreciate it if you could let me do it. I don't mean that in a rude way! But like-"

“Say no more, Petey. I'll try not to talk to you. In fact, I’ll just annoy Ned instead,” Wade decided, turning towards the aforementioned boy.

Peter plugged his headphones in. Soft classical music provided a good blotter to the sound of Wade and Ned's chatter as he worked on his calculus homework. While he could still kind of hear them, the music made it so they were mostly dull.

Twenty minutes later, Peter had just finished when the bell rang, causing him to startle before quickly begin packing up his stuff.

“See ya tomorrow, Petey,” Wade said as he began to leave. “You too, Ned.”

“Bye, Wade!” Ned replied, waving enthusiastically. When Wade was out of earshot, he turned to Peter. “Dude, I don’t know why you don’t like him.”

“I already told you. He makes me feel uneasy,” Peter responded.

“He’s actually pretty cool! So, he told me that he’s here to get revenge on some bad guys who kidnapped and tortured him. His skin looks weird- that's why he always has a hoodie on, since people stare at him like he's a freak- because the bad guys did it to him, but in return he has some superpowers that he said he can’t show anyone because then they’ll know he’s after them. I can’t believe I know two superheroes!” Ned gushed.

“Ned, that's unbelievable. He probably just has some sort of skin condition or something,” Peter replied.

“Hey, you were bitten by an adioactive-ray pider-say,” Ned whispered.

“Still doubting it,” Peter insisted. “Did he say anything I could actually use to get a gift?”

“No, he refused to talk about himself besides the backstory he gave me."

"That helps a ton. I can give him a sword or something to kill people," Peter muttered sarcastically.

"But I did notice that he has a tiny unicorn charm on his phone though," Ned continued.

Peter nearly stopped in his tracks. “Seriously? How come I never noticed that?”

“It’s brand new. It’s really small and has a rainbow horn and rainbow hair.”

“Alright, I guess I could get him a unicorn then.”

“There you go! Then you don't have to investigate tonight!"

“I think I still am. I mean, it doesn’t hurt to have a backup.”

“Alright then. Good luck!” Ned wished before walking to his Chemistry class.

“Thanks! See you later!" Peter called back before walking off to his English class.

\---

The bright red letters read "10:30 PM" and illuminated Peter's entire face.

He groaned as he rolled over. He had to wait until Aunt May was asleep, and that wouldn't be for another fifteen minutes. Even though she knew Peter was Spider-Man, he wasn’t supposed to go out without giving her a couple days’ notice or getting an official notice from Mr. Stark. Since he hadn’t done either of those, he had to sneak out.

He had put his suit under his pajamas, and when he saw the light under his door finally turn off, he quickly removed them and tugged his mask on.

“Hello, Peter,” Karen greeted cheerfully.

“Hi, Karen. Hey, you know that tracker I installed earlier?” Peter said.

“The one named 'Wade Freaking Wilson'?” Karen clarified.

“Yeah, that one. You can just call him Wade. Anyways, can you start tracking him?” Peter requested.

“Of course.”

A small map of New York appeared in the corner of his vision, showing a small, blinking dot where Wade supposedly was. Peter opened his window, jumped out, and let himself fall a bit before shooting a web at the top of a lamp post and swinging forward.

Eventually, he reached the area where Wade should be. It was close to the slums he had followed Wade out to the previous day.

“Why would he be out right now?” Peter mumbled as he perched on top of an apartment complex.

“You’re out right now, and you’re two years younger than him,” Karen pointed out.

“Yeah, but I’m Spider-Man. He’s an ordinary civilian and high school student. Plus, there’s that murderer loose. Anyone in their right sense of mind would be inside right now. Don’t say it, Karen.”

“You’re outside.”

“I said not to say it, Karen.”

“Sorry, Peter. I’ll remember to not say ‘You’re outside’,” Karen replied sarcastically before pausing. “Wade is exiting the corner store across the street.”

Peter looked and saw that Karen was right. Wade was crossing the street while he carried a bag full of...well, something. 

“Alright. Good. He’s just grocery shopping. I think,” Peter added, hesitant to assume anything innocent about Wade’s activities before he started to walk alongside from the top of the roof. Peter accidentally kicked a crack pipe and froze as it skidded across the roof and fell over the side. The sound of glass shattering could be heard from the top of the roof.

Peter could see Wade stop and start to turn around.

"Please don't look up, please don't look up," Peter chanted in his head. A few slow, aggravating seconds passed, and Peter let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Wade continued to walk past.

Peter followed, leaping gracefully and lightly from rooftop to rooftop.

“Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can,” he softly sang to himself.

“Peter, singing might not be a good idea when you’re following someone,” Karen advised.

Peter snapped his mouth shut. “Sorry,” he muttered, embarrassed.

“It’s fine. Your singing is very good. I just don’t want you to get caught when you don’t want to. Speaking of which, would you like me to engage Stealth Mode?” Karen offered.

“Oh, yeah. I should’ve done that first thing. Thanks, Karen,” Peter whispered. He looked down to see his suit blend in with his surroundings.

“No problem. Why are you stalking your classmate anyway? You did mention that he was out when there’s that murderer loose in this area. Are you concerned for his safety?”

Peter hesitated to answer as he judged the distance between the building he was standing on and the stoplight. He leaped and landed perched perfectly on the stoplight. “I wish my actions were that noble. Let’s pretend that’s why."

Silence.

"Okay, the real reason is that I have to get him a Secret Santa gift, and I don’t know what to get him. I’m trying to find out by following.”

“Why not just ask him?” Karen suggested.

“He’s one of the most mysterious kids in school; the only things that I know about him are that he was born in Canada, has weird scars all over his skin, transferred a couple weeks ago, possibly lives in the slums, and maybe likes unicorns. Besides, I don’t really like him and never want to talk to him."

“Really? Your constant interactions with him say otherwise.”

“He initiates it! Wait, how did you know that he talks to me almost every day?”

“Pay attention, Peter. Wade’s a few blocks away.”

“Crap!” Peter cursed as he jumped down. He ran and soon had Wade in his sights again. It seemed that Wade was on his way home. He quickly climbed up a building. “Sorry. Anyways, how did you-”

“Since I’m also connected to your phone, I’ve been recording what you’ve been doing at school, similar to how I record everything you do in the suit.”

“Oh. Well, regardless, I don’t like him. If I had been wearing this while around him, you’d know he sets off my Spidey-Sense.”

“Peter, you didn’t fix the bugs I pointed out last time, did you?”

“I dunno why he does. I doubt I will ever understand anything about him. Why does he talk to me? Why does he set off my Spidey-Sense. Why-"

"Peter!"

"Sorry. Uh, what was the question?"

"Did you fix all the bugs?"

"Yeah! The lag in camouflage, muting my footsteps and muting my voice- Wait, no! I forgot-”

“You forgot what?”

Peter looked to see Wade standing on the sidewalk below him. “Uh, hi, ordinary civilian.”

“Hello, Spider-Man. Why do I keep your hearing your voice behind me?” Wade asked, looking in Peter's general direction.

“Uh…” Peter trailed off. “Karen, why does he know where I am?”

“It seems that the bug affecting you doesn’t mute any of your speech, and Wade was able to hear you talking to me,” Karen deduced.

“Extra crap,” Peter muttered.

“Where are you? I mean, I know you’re somewhere up on the ceiling, but I can’t see you,” Wade confirmed.

“Karen, turn off Stealth Mode,” Peter instructed.

Wade gasped as Peter came into view. “Spider-Man!"

"Uh, hi," Peter awkwardly waved. "Nice night for a stroll, huh?"

"Why are you following me? I could hear you talking to someone named ‘Karen’. You know, I have a friend who has a girlfriend named Karen, and if that’s the same Karen, you should dump her and tell her to stop cheating on him.”

“He thinks of you as a friend,” Karen noted.

“No, definitely different Karen! There’s like, billions of Karens’ in the world,” Peter replied, forcing out a laugh while ignoring the AI.

“Good to know. However, you still haven’t answered my question,” Wade crossed his arms. “How the hell did you even manage to find out about my existence? Doesn’t Spidey have better things to do?”

“I, uh-” Peter froze up.

"I'm  _ waiting _ ."

“Tell him the truth,” Karen suggested. “Without revealing your identity, of course.”

"You have five seconds. Five...four...three…" Wade paused. "What? The ominous countdown doesn't freak you out?"

“I know a guy who wants to buy you a gift, but he doesn’t know what to get you,” Peter blurted.

Wade's eyes widened before quickly replacing his shock with a smirk. “Why doesn't he just ask me?”

“Um-”

“Ooooh, I get it. He’s too shy to. I’d rather know the identity of my crush now, but I guess I can wait,” Wade teased.

“No, he doesn’t have a crush on you!” Peter quickly said. Smooth, Parker. Real smooth.

Wade laughed. “I was pretty sure that was the case, but a guy can dream, right? I mean, how can someone resist a face like this?” He pointed at face while saying the last sentence, then shook his head.

Peter awkwardly laughed. “I’m sure you’ll find someone someday.”

“Thanks, Spider-Man. You’re probably the nicest person on the planet. Anyway, what does someone wanting to buy me a gift have to do with my Friendly Neighborhood Spider following me?”

“Um, we- as in the guy and me, not you and me- are really good buddies and I offered to find out for him. He just needs to know a few things you’re interested in. Just to get an idea.”

“Still doesn’t explain why you were following me.”

“To be honest, I was scared to ask you upfront.”

Wade chuckled. “Am I really that intimidating to everyone?”

Before Peter could answer, Wade kept talking. “Alright, since you’re the nicest person  _ and _ my favorite superhero, I’ll let you in on the secret life of Wade Wilson.”

“You’re his favorite superhero,” Karen gushed.

“Karen, stop,” Peter muttered. To Wade, he waved his hand in a “continue” motion.

“Let’s see...three of my favorite things...Mexican food, plushies, and video games,” Wade listed. “Hope that helps your friend.”

“It does. Thank you. You should probably get inside. You know, there’s been quite a few murders in the past few weeks,” Peter explained.

Wade smiled. “I’m glad you’re concerned, but trust me, Spidey. No killer would be able to take me on. If they tried, they’d quickly regret it.”

Peter smiled from under his mask. “Just do it, alright? I’m sure there are more people besides me concerned for your safety. Here, I'll even accompany you back."

"There's really no need-" Wade started, but Peter had already jumped down.

"Just doing my duty as your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man!”

“My place is literally across the street.” Wade gestured to the apartment building

“Oh.” Peter felt his face grow hot, but Wade laughed a bit.

“If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll let you escort me there,” Wade offered, holding his free arm out.

Peter laughed and hooked his arm with Wade’s. “Let’s go, small child.”

“Excuse you, I’m taller than you, and I’m almost eighteen. I just have a couple more months. Hey, is that why this guy needs a gift?”

“Maybe.”

“Cool.” Once the two had made it to the entrance of Wade’s apartment building, Peter unhooked his arm from Wade’s.

Wade dug through the bag he held in his other hand. “Do you like M&M’s?”

“There’s no need-” Peter started, but Wade tossed him a package of the candy anyway.

“Hey, you escorted me across the street for no reason. Gotta repay the favor somehow,” Wade winked.

“Thank you,” Peter said, smiling under his mask.

"No problem. Have a good night,” Wade waved before walking inside.

“Night!” Peter called as he swung off into the night.

“What a weird night,” Peter muttered to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Four will come out eventually. I'm hoping to finish before immortalpoptart and I go back to school so this doesn't get in the way of schoolwork.
> 
> Please leave any comments you have, either constructive criticism or not!

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave a comment or kudos! I accept constructive criticism (especially since this is basically my first time writing Marvel fanfic)!
> 
> My Writeblr is the-writer-turned-procrastinator! Feel free to follow for updates and to see other stuff I'm working on! There's not much yet, but that's because I haven't had the time to make many posts on it. My main blog is your-local-gay-dumbass, so I follow from there.
> 
> Have a great day!


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